Staying in touch - maintaining relationships

Staying in touch is the preferred term for adopted children continuing to maintain a connection with their identity, birth family and significant people in their lives.

There are two ways in which this is described:

• direct face-to-face contact with a birth family member or significant person

• indirect, where physical or digital letters are exchanged through an intermediary (post adoption service). This can include photographs, artwork and cards and is dependent on each individual's agreement.

What are the benefits of staying in touch?

Benefits for children:

• research evidences the benefits for children’s developing identity and sense of belonging and permanence in their adoptive family

• enables children to maintain relationships that are important to them

• enables children to have continuing information about their birth family as they grow up to work through feelings of grief, loss or denial and reach a sense of resolution, reassurance and acceptance of their adoption

• it helps the child feel both accepted in their adoptive family and comfortable about their heritage and identity

• to build strong and natural connections with family members

• to build their sense of trust in others and the capacity to sustain and maintain future relationships

• having a relationship with the birth family throughout childhood reduces potential unwanted contact or unsupported searching in the future.

Benefits for parents (adoptive) 

• they know what is written in reports

• manages anxieties about a child’s membership of their birth family

• promotes openness with a child about adoption

• shows a child you can accept and value their birth family, identity and sense of self

• builds trust with a child and becomes closer to them, because they have a more realistic view and understanding of their birth family.

Benefits for birth families

• keeps connections and gives them information on how the child is developing and reassures them about their health and happiness

• helps them to cope with their loss, acknowledge that the adoption has really happened and that the child is growing up separately in another family

• hearing about developments in the child’s personality, skills, and interests can help them recognise the passage of time and that they are safe and well.

Explore more about staying in touch