What is a contact agreement?

When adopting a child, staying in touch is an important consideration. The contact agreement outlines the level and type of contact that will take place between the child and their birth relatives or significant people in their life. This agreement is completed before the adoption order is granted, during the care proceedings and is designed with the child’s welfare at the heart.

Here are some key points about the agreement:

• agreements are made with the child’s welfare in mind, informed by the experiences of adoptive adults, research and the importance of connections to identity

• the agreement will specify when and how contact should occur, including when you should send updates and when birth relatives can expect to receive contact

• sticking to agreed timelines is so important. As children grow older, missing expected contact (like a letter at a certain time of year) can be upsetting and unsettling

• the agreement outlines what has been agreed to send each time, this may include a letter, photographs, school reports, DVD or an audio message

• it details what birth relatives or significant people can send and when

• it will be tailored to your child’s needs and discussed with you before placement

• be open to change and flexibility over the years as your child grows and their needs change; a review of the agreement can be requested from adoption support

• schedule a date to start preparing for your contact so it’s on time to reduce anxiety for all. Call the contact service to talk through any worries or seek advice and guidance should you need it.

Birth relatives

All forms of contact are significantly important for birth family members; delays can increase anxiety and emotions for all, so timeliness is important. While many birth relatives do respond regularly, there may be times when agreed contact doesn’t happen as expected. This can be difficult or disappointing, but it’s important to understand the wider context. Changes happen in life for everyone.

• A missed response, not attending contact or writing a letter does not reflect a lack of importance or understanding.

• We encourage you to continue sending your updates, as we know that some birth relatives re-engage with letterbox contact even after several years.

• A record of all contact is securely held on your child’s adoption file. If birth relatives get back in touch and wish to re-engage, we can forward any previous correspondence to them.

• Some letters from birth relatives may be more personal or emotional than expected, especially in the early stages, and the first few letters you write may be more difficult than you expect. Advice and guidance are available from the service that manages the contact.

If you have any concerns, please contact us so we can talk through any issues and offer support.

Explore more about staying in touch